Friday, June 11, 2010

Dreamer

Days like these, I long for love. The kind that whispers comfort and relief when I feel this way. As if loneliness creeps in and instills a dull throbbing, constantly reminding me that I have been abandoned. But I’m not and I know it. But I want a love and to know it’s mine. And then it becomes harder to wait on God’s plan because I frantically attempt to peer in anticipation to the future God has planned for me.

Am I a dreamer? And why do people put my God in a box? As if to say, “Silly girl, look at her, she thinks God could do that for her. Poor thing, just leave her alone,” leaving me open-hearted but empty-handed. Like my very future had just been ripped from the tight grasp of my fingers that I had only just recently realized. And then what remains is a soft feeling of what just was on the tips of my fingers. And it seems like it's still there but it's only a memory. A little girl, disappointed as if the world should suddenly stop spinning because hers exists no longer.

Yes, I’d like to think I’m a dreamer, but that’s exactly how God made me. I can see His Hand in my life, just the way He made me to. And I cannot wait for life. Sometimes I watch pictures in my head of what I dream in anticipation. And my God, He never quite lets me realizes my plans and sometimes, sometimes the realization that marks reality is beyond the dreams I ever could have imagined.

All this, but yes I have boundaries and limits and expectations for myself and my future, and I won’t submit to less than God has for me. But, I do not have boundaries for my God. And Jesus walks with me every day and I can feel him most days. Call me a dreamer but living a life obedient to The Call feels more real than any day I’ve already lived.


2 comments:

  1. You are a big, dreamer...of beautiful, impossible dreams. Yet, you and I both know that nothing is impossible. Not with the God of the universe backing you up. You and I both know that He can restore anything, redeem any situation that seems beyond repair. We are both proof of that. And he(J) is proof of that too. So never stop dreaming the way you do, dear one. My God has made you that way and it's one of the many, many things I adore about you! What a lovely picture of the two of you...one of my favorites!! :)

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