Longing

I woke yesterday with a longing. And it beats like a pulse in my veins that I can only feel, which is the only evidence that suggests it even exists.

And then there are times like this morning. Such times that I don’t feel at all. And the longing is still there, but seeks its peace from a different suitor. No pulse in my body that was once full of Life. No pulse.

And the evidence that holds me, no longer has a force that I can believe in.
Faith, He whispers, just faith. But it feels like the golden chords carrying me have somehow come undone, like a siren calling me towards reckless abandon.

And it is during this volatile time that I discover how frantic this pulse becomes within me. Frantic, irregular and wild. Only this world has rendered me less sensitive of its existence.

How far will you go? I am still here. I am working in and for you in ways you cannot know. I have not left you. I never leave you. I have been holding you even when you knew Me not, for I knew the time would come. Faith, child. Faith.

Even when I cannot feel Life, I know that I am still Living. Even when the darkness hides the light from me, I know it is still burning. But it can never be hidden, only I am not looking hard enough. And in these times of longing, it is I who have stopped searching.

But God still has the key to the lock. The lock attaching the chords to my heart. And it looks like a tiny piece of glitter in his big brilliant hand. And its times like these that make God’s promise real. Because Jesus went before me, and I must go too. I will suffer, and I will be separated in order that I may find matrimony with the King.

All else must fade, and then you will find Me.