I am learning to press in and on and find beauty in the difficult lessons of real, mundane, frustrating life. The gain is Christ always and let me be found ever decreasing. Yesterday I heard a song I've heard dozens of times and my faithful Father highlighted it deep in my Spirit. These words echoed inside of me and the past year and a half of my life replayed beautifully as the Lord revealed some purpose for the frustration and the struggle.
Excerpt from Audrey Assad's I Shall not Want
From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God
From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Like each line represented some thing in my life that the Lord had called me to surrender, and I must confess it has been difficult and frustrating particularly when my focus is on myself.
There is a death that must come in marriage.
Someone trusted and older and wiser told me this once and I can never forget it because I know she was right and it's not a sad thing. This is a part of the mystery and the beauty of marriage to make us more like the Son who gave His life for us all. Let us not forget that after death there comes resurrection to the Glory of God.
Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"
I will follow the lamb, wherever He leads me. Thank you Lord for blessing me with the gift of marriage and with the gain of Christ as you teach me to surrender for your good purpose.