On being, and not being.

On being and not being.

Sometimes I get so frustrated at this girl, looking like me only less graceful than I should think I ought to be, and more awkward (than I like to think I am..) and I become angry. I become angry because she’s doing it all wrong, and what’s worse, she has taken focus away from Him and distracted my vision and even my thoughts. Who does she think she is? Blasted girl.

I get so mad that I walk right up to her and with pent up aggression and I push her, two hands and angry brow, right on out of my way. There! Now I can see Him clearly and all is right with the world.

Wrong.

In that funny rebuke-style fashion (funny in the ‘oh, I should have known much better than that’ sort of way) Jesus looks disappointed in what I’ve done, sad even, as if He were being told He’d have be crucified again for the 89023438^th time. And as if to say with His eyes, “Why would you do that to my friend?” Like I had just lay my hands on Him and done the very deed to Jesus Himself. And he walked up to the girl and gave her His Hand, pulled her up and dusted her off. He lead her back to where she was standing and let her keep watching Him.

This is what blew my mind.

He didn’t leave me standing there to watch her. He came to me and pulled me forward sort of into the girl like she were a hologram and so was I, but when we met, we became real. And then He said, “This is the girl I redeemed. And this is the girl I will keep redeeming.”

So that girl, the one who I was, is redeemed and beautiful and I cannot leave her behind. I cannot be someone I’m not or never was. She is a part of me, only now she's new and better. So we are the same. Only I have to learn to live life now with her and with me. Awkward, but loved; Broken but new.